Ramblings of a Crowe

Bull 30, Spectators 0

Shit...this is why you don't piss off 1200 pound animals.

The Things You Learn

I've learned a few things from this experience (losing my job). First, I have the best friends and family members in the world. All of you have rallied for me. All have offered encouragement, which is gold in a situation like this. I can't thank you enough. A few opened their homes to me in the case I do need to travel. Others helped me in their own way.

--Thanks to J for the game. You're awesome, man. Also big thanks to you for helping me out with the job situation. We don't know where it will go, but just knowing I might have a chance is enough for me. Thank you. Once I get working again, we'll do something fun--my treat.

--Sis, thanks for the anti-virus help. I truly appreciate it. Now my computer (my life’s blood) won't die on me and cause my head to blow up. Also, your words touched me. I know that no one will let anything bad happen to me.

--Mom, thanks for offering to pay for Hunter's tennis lessons. I know it's more for him than me, but it really does help. Thanks for being a rock for me.

--Wendy and Heather, thanks for offering to help me if I come to Idaho. It's a big deal to let someone into your home or set aside time to chauffer them around. It's a relief to know I won't have to live in my car (something I considered for about 2.5 seconds) if I visit Idaho. *laughs*

--Kate...thanks for reminding me that though I don't talk to you all the time, that you are there for me no matter what happens. Sometimes I forget that I can count on others, and you have a way of letting me know how wrong I am.

--Jeff, thanks for all the encouragement and reminding me that my family will always take care of me and Hunter.

--Steve...you've been a big source of my strength. Though you're 3,000 miles away, you've helped me in so many ways. Thanks for writing me letters, looking up jobs for me, and reminding me that I am a valuable person and employee. Also, thank you for making me laugh when I need it most. I miss you.

--Scott, you jumped at the chance to offer me a job. Though I don't think I'll be able to take it, the fact that you value me that much as a hard working, reliable employee is a big encouragement. I would like to work for you again, but moving just isn't something I can afford right now (now I feel guilty). *laughs* Thank you for being there and having faith in me.

--Hiroshi, thank you for all your words of encouragement.

--To all my friends here, you guys have been the best. Thank you for listening, offering advice, and making me laugh. The fearless leader isn't so afraid anymore.

And last, but certainly not least, Hunter. Thank you for putting on a smile, though I know you're worried. Thank you for all the hugs. And thank you for telling me you love me every single day, no matter what.

Though I've been sad, depressed, angry, and stressed out, the only time I've shed any tears is when I think about how everyone is backing me. I often forget that I don't have to stand by myself during hard times. That's a great injustice to all the wonderful people who care about me. Forgive me for being a pig headed fool.

Secondly, I learned today that if you deliberately screw up about 12 times in a row while trying to re-open a claim via phone (for unemployment), that you'll be transferred to a real person and they will take care of you. *heh* I selected "talk to a rep" about five times, then after getting the message, "We are experiencing a high volume of calls, be call back", I decided to just reopen online. However, if anyone has ever dealt with the UE office, we all know that's just a farce--they purposely make it difficult for all us stressed out unemployed people. So I got pissed, and started pushing random buttons. Lo and behold--the phone started ringing and this nice person got everything straightened out for me! Took about five minutes. NICE!

The quiet settles in....

What a day...

I was doing pretty good until this evening. Now it's all quiet and my mind is racing. Sometimes I feel like I want to cry. This really sucks. But crying won't help me.

I feel the worst for the kiddo. He's pretty upset, but he keeps smiling at me. I think he knows I'm stressed out. I really feel like I've let him down, even though getting laid off wasn't my fault. He told me, "Don't be sorry mom. It's not your fault!" then gave me a hug. He knows us moving is an option, though he's praying we don't have to. It tears him up to leave mom, dad, granny, and all his friends. Hopefully it won't come to that.

I spent most of the day filling out applications and looking through jobs on line. The rest of the time I was worrying about my 'outs' that I have going. My only piece of relief was that I found out the kid is covered under his dad's medical insurence. That makes me feel better. However, even that ray of light is shadowed by the big unknown factors.

I keep asking myself, "What are you going to do?" and over and over in my head I hear a voice say, "You should have planned for this" or "You idiot! It's your fault you're in this mess". And then I feel guilty because my son's life has been turned upside down.

Of course, I also hear the lesser voices saying stuff like, "Well, you've pulled through things before" and "This is just a test. You can over come it like everything else". I know I'm a hard worker. I'm good at what I do. I take pride in getting my job done quickly and correctly. I'm confident that where ever I end up, I'll be okay. I'm not confident in getting there.

What will tomorrow bring? Will I keep getting sadder? Or will I feel a bit better? I don't know. I feel pretty shitty right now. I'm at a loss of what to do with this idle time, and I've never had problems amusing myself before. If I sleep, will I dream of how guilty I feel? Will I even be able to sleep? Or maybe this is all just a really bad dream...

...but I know it's not.

Maybe I should go buy some lottery tickets tomorrow. Ha ha ha.

My life seriously sucks right now...

Today I Lost My Job

Yup. No joke folks.

Today I lost my job.

Seven years I've been with the company. I've cried, shed blood (literally), worked myself into the ground for them--only to be 'laid off until further notice'.

Nice.

I think I went through various stages of emotions in about 2.5 nano seconds. Shock, disbelief, frightened, then PISSED OFF. I settled on the final one as my primary emotion. Scared runs a close second. There was no reason for my termination--well, lay off actually. They didn't 'fire' me. Apparently the company can't afford to keep me--probably because my boss just hired 12 new employees. Though you would think my pay would have been budgeted into the yearly budget along with them. Obviously not.

So, driving home I could only think, "What the hell am I going to do?" I'm not one to panic, thankfully. At least not yet. I'm more pissed off than anything. I'll have to get my unemployment straightened out ASAP. My claim is still open, so I think all I have to do is call them on Monday and set it straight. Then I need to get my ass down to *insert horrible music here* DSHS and get some medical insurence for my kid and myself until I find a job. That fucking SUCKS. I hate dealing with the government, but I can't NOT have medical insurence. *sigh*

As soon as I got home, I sat down and got to work on my resume. I hate being in the 'unknown', so it's just natural when a disaster happens that I tackle it head on--often without thinking. Ha~ Not doing so just stresses me out worse. I'm a chronic worrier. I'll worry until I get sick. I hate that so it's best just to eliminate what ever is freaking me the fuck out. ha ha.

I'm still in a state of bewilderment. Despite my old job's downfalls, I loved what I did. I really liked the people I worked with and the stuff I got to do. I'm sad I won't be a part of that anymore. But maybe this is a sign...and a realization that I've become too comfortable with my life. And that I was prepared for something like this to happen. Yes indeedy. Always have a back up plan (which I didn't).

I didn't shed any tears though, at least not until I got home. And even then, it was only when my friends rallied around me. J, I love you, man. Your friendship and kindness is so important to me. I really don't have the words to thank you. I don't know what I would do without you. You undersand what the company is like, and we had a few good laughs this morning at their expense.

And SO, you too. You had the integrity to be upset for me, offended even. You gave me the ass chewing I needed--then offered me an opportunity to chew on. Though I'm not certain I'm ready for a step like that (it will take some serious deliberation on my part), the very idea that you instantly jumped to extend me a hand touches me. Thank you for believing in me and valuing me as a good employee and as a friend.

Now comes the tough part. Decisions. I'm really bad at making decisions. As some of you know, I have an opportunity to take a job starting immediatly. However, I have to move. "Big deal" to most people, but I'm a single parent that has to think about the kiddo's welfare. Living at home has made me soft and life is easy for my son and I. He's content, surrounded by people who love and care about him. I don't have to worry about school, day care, keeping appointments, etc. My son is very happy living here with my parents.

On the other hand, I dislike living at my parents house, but have stayed here because it is convienent for me and my son. I'm not afraid of being able to pay bills, but I worry more about something happening to me and my family is six hours away. Weird, huh? I do have cousins that live two hours from the place I could work at--and I know they'd help me if I needed it. Still, the prospect is frightening to me. All these, "What if's run around in my head". That and I don't own anything except my bed, computer, and TV. *laughs* I don't know if I have the money to move--I'm pretty sure I don't.

This job is with the same employer that let me go, just a different branch with different managment. I was offered to start immediatly, with a pay increase. *laughs* How's that for bizzare? Get fired from the company, then offered a job by them with pay raise? Anyway, I know the managment and I understand the job they want me to do. Hours (starting and ending) was offered to be negotiable, as the boss knows me and my son well, and understands my situation. It would be high pressure, as this employer knows what I am capable of and expects a lot from me. But I'm comfortable working for him.

And of course, another job opportunity has been made possible. It's not a sure thing yet, but the prospect is good (thank you J). It's here in town, for a few dollars less, but the benfits are availible and it's for a HUGE company. Managment potential is there too. I'd have to interview for it and go through all the mumbo jumbo, but that's expected. I wouldn't have to move, the kiddo wouldn't be forced to change schools and adapt to a new learning environment. Which is important considering he has trouble in school. Also, he wouldn't be left alone at home, something that is a BIG concern for me. Not only that, maybe it is time for a change...I've heard only great things about this other company and it sounds like it might be fun. Perhaps it's time to say goodbye to the business I've built my life around. Part of me says, "I think so."

So this is the hardest part of my journey. Making a choice. Of course, I have some time to do that. I need to see where the second opportunity is going to go first. I'll probably make a trip next week to check out the first one. Well see how the weather is. I have to go over a pass and I'm a little scared if the roads are bad...

And if losing my job wasn't bad enough, today the kid gets braces on his teeth. Thankfully insurence is paying for it, since technically I'm still employed. My boss let me take the day off with pay so I could get things straightened out. Nice of him.

Tonight I'm going to sit down and play videogames into the wee hours of the morning, eating popcorn and drinking ice tea. I think the saddest part of this was I had to cancel all my pre-orders. *laughs* Hopefully I'll get a big tax return again this year. If only my W-2 would come soon!

*sigh*

M Y V single Senor, Senora, Senorita (PV)

Meeve has a new single out (yay). It's a pretty catchy tune, different when compared to some of his other stuff. That's cool, because I actually like his newer music more so than his older stuff (which consisted of a lot of noise). It's interesting to see how musicians mature during their careers (too bad a lot of their fans don't grow with them).

Okay, no more jabs at the fanatical fangirls. I like this song. It's catchy. It's got a good beat. It's original. Nice job Meeve!

Anyway, I have to say the PV (music video) of this song is...interesting. Artistically, I loved it. The color scheme, the dancing, the camera angles just worked for the video. Awesome costumes too--save Meeve's fake mustache. WTF is up with that! And lets not talk about the vampire fangs. *laughs* It's so typical of him to do something off the wall and wierd, but hey, at least his hair isn't rainbow colored this time.

Full PV here

So, here are some caps of the video:

I might do another one of these for Meeve's other song, "Gigpig Boogie" (if I can find a file that's not corrupted). It's actually my favorite of his new releases. Very, very catchy tune!

Until then, here's some clips of Meeve~

A live performance (sorta) of Ashita Tenki Ni Naare. A very awesome song and super cool guitar skills!

Ha ha! Funny Meeve, "Ore no mune de naite kure." (Please cry on my chest)

If You're Happy and You Know It (seriously, he's singing this at a concert)

Starts off with a Micheal Jackson impression, then degenerates into pure Meeve strangeness........nuff said. (sadly, he dances better than Gackt, which isn't saying much)

How stupid do you look?

So, I've been watching American Idol lately. I don't really like the show, but I can't stop watching it. It amazes me how so many horrible singers think they are actually decent. Oh, it takes guts to get up there in front of millions, I'll give them that, but the ones who are truely awful and pitch a fit when they're told they suck just intreague me to no end.

Like that fat, foul mouthed, nasty chick that was on tonight. I think her name was Rhonella or something. I was too busy trying to stop my eyes and ears from bleeding profusely to pay much attention. But my god, she was awful. AWFUL. Not only that, the outfit she had on...WTF was THAT? Stuff was hanging out all over the place, I think she even flashed the camera a couple times. Like America wants to see your nasty, flabby coochie...Jesus in a swimming pool...

And last week there was that anorexic blonde twit with the charcoal raccoon eyes. She was even a worse singer than this week's resident idiot, but they were both just as skanky. Christ people, there's a big difference between dressing sexy and looking like some low-rent, back alley, hen-house gutter hooker.

Of course, I enjoy the gems too. I love listening to people sing (good). The one girl tonight, another blonde, was just awesome. Not only that, she was very 'real' too. She came dressed up like herself, totally natural. And that other girl, the one with the famous grandma was AMAZING. Damn, she could sing. I'd like to see those two go far. Sadly, they'd probably be turned into some pop icon (hence American 'Idol') and forced to mass produce nothing but crap.

So sad, to see talent go to waste like that...

Draw Your Personality

What does your house say about you? Well, draw it and find out!

I drew my house on fire, but it didn't have anything to say about that...strange...

EDIT:
I've created a street for us! If you feel like it, just click the link (the first one), draw your house (again for some of you), and it'll be added to our street when you're done! Yay!

EDIT2
To the people who have added their houses:

You have no idea how entertaining this has been! I've put a perma link in the side bar for the late comers (once this blog has rolled off into archive land).

Welcome to the Quiet Town....

Yes, I'm still alive. I'm back to work, and have just returned from a three day buisness trip. Fun, fun.

Anyway, I just discovered that this spring that "Silent Hill" the movie will be released. I haven't heard of this before now. Sweet! I'll have to see it, though the video game scared the hell out of me. Somehow, I don't think a movie will be very scary. You're just watching, instead of trying to make your way through on your own...but I hope it is creepy! Here's the trailer!

Ugh....

I think I need more practice memorizing on-yomi...

Thank god for furigana. But that won't always save my ass. Back to the books. Oddly enough, I found with another test that I have a horrible time reading sentances that are in hiragana only (I did so bad!). But if there was kanji, I did okay. How weird is that?

Kanji 1 to 60
Date: January 13, 2006
On-yomi test: 61 %
Kun-yomi test: 91 %
Meaning test 1: 96 %
Meaning test 2: 98 %

Internet WAR: E b a u m vs just about everybody (it's gettin bloody)

Well, those of us who hang out at places like SA, Fark, 4chan, etc. are probably no stranger to internet scum e b a u m s world dot com (not a link to the site, since they make money when you visit there). They're the people who like to steal content from other websites and make money off of it--while slapping their logo on the front and NOT crediting the orginal makers of the content.

There's been an ongoing war between SA (something awful dot com) and EW for quite sometime. A few months ago, the proverbial flag was tossed to the ground when EB encoded a malicious script into their pages that sucked the bandwith of SA everytime someone loaded a page on their site. Needless to say, the Goons were not happy.

Now it's YTMND that's had enough. Combining forces with people from all different forums (from SA to 4chan to jesus only knows where else) they organized an attack on EW of monumental proportions--taking things too far as usual to boot. Read a more detailed discription over at Fandom_wank.

"Vandalizm" and "death" threats later, the head scum bag starts threatening FBI Cyber Terrorism and lawsuits. A cease and desist order was sent, complete with netspeak (lol). No, really, LOL has apparently become legaleeze. Perhaps my law student sister can shed some light on the subject. Are judges saying "Order in the court (LOL)" these days, sis? Not only that, super jackoff webmaster theif man is threatening the parody site above to shut its doors before he gets mad. Oh yeah, he also told them it didn't matter since he would own the domain in 72 hours anyway...WTF? Bipolar much?

I find this all extremely funny. But I can understand the anger of the creators that have their stuff stolen by this place. All they want is a little credit for the work they've done--and it's not that hard to do. Not only that, the guy makes money off of this stuff (though ads and whatnot), so technically, their work is paying his bills and they don't get anything out of it. What a douchebag.

It's over

Got a call today. Looks like I go back to work on Monday. I'm happy, but also sad. Sort of a mix bag of emotions. *laughs* Looks like I have to be gone for three days on a buisness trip too. I don't care much for leaving home on these trips, but it might be a nice change.

The new season is starting. Wonder what kind of fun we'll have this year--especially with the handful of new people we've gone and hired.

*sigh*

Happy B-day Kiddo!

Today he's eleven! Sort of makes me feel old, though I'm not even thirty yet. Not that thirty is old, but you get my drift.

I'm so buying some of these

You know, I was at the bank today waiting to turn back onto the street when some dumbass woman in a white van kept honking her horn at me to go. After the second time I kindly turned around in my seat, gave her the finger and screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH!" Sadly, I know she couldn't hear me, but I'm pretty sure she could read my lips. That gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. Anyway, after I managed to get across traffic, she whirls on by, then has to slam on her brakes as the light turns red. Mind you, she's sticking halfway out in the intersection. I laughed and pointed at her--then gave her the bird again for good measure.

The entire time this is going on I kept thinking, "Jesus, I need que cards for shit like this."

LO AND BEHOLD!

This made my day. Gotta get me some of those.

Someone Sends A Bit Of Happiness

You know, I had this scathing rant about hating people and stuff written, but then I went and checked the mail. All that went away. I forgot about how much people suck and how pissed off I was. I'd gotten a New Years Card from Satoko in Japan! Just a simple gesture, but still the kindness touched me. Especially the message inside.

ありがとうございます、さとこさん！とても嬉しいになりました。

*EDIT*
I just recieved an email from Yuuko and her son. They've sent my son a birthday present! I was so surprised! Today really did turn into a good day.

本当に嬉しい！ありがとうございます、ユウコさん、ジエイくん！

Demo'd FF12 Today

So, today I actually sat down and played the demo for FF12. Needless to say, I'm very excited for this game. It looks like a ton of fun. The graphics, as expected, are just incredible. The battle system is, er, different. That's not a bad thing, but it is interesting. Active battle, I suppose you'd call it. The other characters attack and heal at will it seems. I beat the two bosses fairly easily, but this is just a demo. The changes I did see pleased me greatly though. Can't wait!

Also played a little bit of DragonQuest with my son. Pretty standard RPG. Nothing really spectacular. However, the story is really cute and I love the characters. Even Hunter, who hates turn based RPGs was sucked in. *laughs* He played it for about an hour then handed it off to me.

Still working on Magna Carta. I need to buy a new controller. Had to use Hunter's to play FF12 and DragonQuest. That sucks! BOTH of them won't work! What is up with that?

I Hate These Commericals

I really can't stand those commercials with starving kids from other countries. You know, the ones where some celebrity starts begging for money because Palo has no shoes? Yeah, it's sad, but I think it's sadder that we ignore the people who need help right here at home.

I have yet to see a commercial, "Hi, this is Joey. He has Turrets and he's a paranoid Schizophrenic. He's unable to care for himself, but the government says otherwise. His family abandoned him when he was 16. He lives on the streets, with no shoes, eating garbage and yelling at cars. His house is sometimes a box, sometimes a newspaper, sometimes a dumpster. Please help Joey. He needs medicine, a hospital, some place safe to stay..."

I'd give money to a cause like that (if I had any). Yeah, I know that the countries those kids live in are poor. They do need help. It just irks the hell out of me that we have people on our backstep that have become 'invisible'. Why are they so less needy when compared to some kid in Africa? Just because they're American? Does that mean they can't suffer? *shakes head*

M Y V Rocks!

So, tootling around on the web tonight, admitidly looking for new funny Gackt clips, I stumbled across some Meeve videos. His new single is coming out soon (YAY), so I'm sure we'll be seeing more of him on music shows and what not (at least I hope so).

Check 'em out!

Playing guitar/tamborine/drum/AND Harmonica---can we say multi-tasker? Serioulsy, it blows my mind away. Near the end of the video, he's playing all for of them at once. How is this possible? Is he human? *laughs*

A Preview of the new PV (music video). Okay, the vid is creepy--what's up with the fake mustache? But I really think I'm going to like this song.

Meeve being...Meeve...

vs a turntable--this makes me want to learn how to play the guitar...And go see a rock concert *wistful memories of Areosmith --front row seats-- and AC/DC concerts*

Meeve sings in English (song by Keb' Mo', 2005 Grammy winner of Best Contemporary Blues). If you don't know who Keb' Mo' is, and you like Blues music (I'm a nut for it), go check out his website over at Sony Music. The song Meeve is singing is "Am I Wrong".

Oh, and I did find some more funny vids of G a c k t. His music is growing on me, but I still think the guy is more halarious than anything.

HeyX3: The "NO LAUGHING" contest. The end is the best.

HeyX3 again, but this time G a c k t is giving a photo tour of his big snow boarding adventure...

I love HeyX3 and Utaban. They're two of the funniest shows I've ever seen!

Simeoni is a whiny little bitch

What an ass-wipe. *looks around* Oops, he might sue me if I hurt his feelings. Better play nice.

I imagine his case goes something like this:

"He said bad things to me! He hurt my feelings! Then..then when we were racing he reprimanded me when I behaved badly! By chasing me down on his bicycle! While in a bike race for Gods Sake!"

Of course, he'll leave out all the parts where he's been tossing any name he can think of to the doping authorities. Defamation? Can anyone say hypocrite?

Somebody call the whambulance--Filippo Simeoni needs a ride (as do a lot of European cycling fans).

WTF is Wrong with Harry Potter fans?

That entire fandom is full of idiots. I'm not saying everyone, but I'd say 1 out of every 5 fans is actually SANE. The stoopid just oozes from them...

Case in point:

Check out the IBDM Poll for Best and Worst of 2005. Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire is in every single category! Best Foreign film? Best Documentary? Scariest movie? Animated Feature? WTF'inH?

See, this is why I detest fan girls and boys. Not one iota of common sense. Just fapping, splooging, morons with pebbles rattling around inside their heads.

And don't deny it wasn't you, fan-idiots! The call went out from all the big Potter sites to go vote on this poll, and vote you did. I'm amazed the write in ballots didn't confuse things more! Thank god there were no ticky-boxes!

Still, I have to say the idiocy gave me a good laugh. As annoying as stupid people are, they're good for a few laughs. Especially when droves of them band together to try and do something 'intelligent'.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! 2005 is gone and it's now 2006! Weird...