Why is it I can connect to the internet, yet many of my often used websites aren't working lately? Sites like hotmail, google homepage, WA state government pages, gmail, You Tube. The pages usually won't load, or when they do, they're all weird. At first I thought it was my computer, but I tried them on my parents computer had little luck there either. I've cleared my cookies, my cache, my history--everything I can think of. My security settings should be fine. I haven't changed anything and I've never had any trouble with these pages in the past.
I think I'm cursed.
That's the only solution I can come up with right now. With all that has been going on in my life, that would make sense. Maybe I'm a mummy and I haven't realized it yet? Either that or God just hates my friggen guts. Maybe both.
If I was a zombie though, because that's what mummies are, stuff like this wouldn't matter. All I would care about is shuffling around, groaning, and eating brains. Right now I do a lot of shuffling around and groaning, which supports my zombie theory. However, the whole eating brains thing....just ew. I guess two out of three is pretty good.
If I was a zombie, computer glitches wouldn't piss me off because I wouldn't know what a computer was or how useful it could be. I mean, come on, how many white collar zombies have you seen at Star Bucks these days? No, in a zombie's eyes, the only thing a computer is good for is throwing. Sometimes I feel that way too.
If I were a zombie, I wouldn't need a job. Zombies don't need money. They don't have cars or house payments or even credit cards. Zombies are just fine sleeping in a gutter or in your basement. Zombies can't drive, because many of them don't have eyes to see with (they rely on an accute sense of smell attuned to the scent of brains). Then again, the way people drive around here makes me wonders if Zombies have evolved and learned to manipulate SUVs...
If I were a Zombie, I wouldn't have to brush my hair or worry about buying new clothes or my apperance in general. Zombies keep things simple. Usually their hair falls out in clumps, so brushing is a bad idea. They wear the same clothes every day until eventually the fabric rots off. Zombies aren't prudes. Nudity is natural to them. They have nothing to hide, sometimes because most of it has rotted off. Have you ever seen a Zombie dressed in the latest Gap outfit? Didn't think so.
If I were a Zombie, I wouldn't have to worry about crime. Knives and bullets wouldn't hurt me. My only fear would be fire. And maybe lye...
Zombies have it pretty good. If only I were a zombie.
Posted by Zoso at July 8, 2007 05:20 AM