Ramblings of a Crowe

Animals Hate Hollywood (and holidays)

When 101 Dalmatians came out, people swamped breeders and pet stores for puppies, not realizing Dalmatians are probably the dumbest, most irritating dogs on the planet (next to wiener dogs). The result, enough abandoned dogs to make a line of fur coats for a small boutique on Madison Avenue.

Every Easter, herds of people buy ducklings and bunnies, not realizing grown-up ducks are the ambassadors of Satan and bunnies are boring as hell. Doh! So they do what any reasonable person does, return them back into the loving arms of Mother Nature, from whence they came.

JAWS showed us the how vengeful great white sharks could be. Of course, humans can't have any creature on the planet be more stupidly vicious or mindlessly dumb than themselves, so the white sharks had to go.

Now it's snakes--on a plane. I'm sure the frequent flyer snakes of the world are trembling at the possible repercussions this movie has in store for them. The worst being an instigation of Herp Marshals on every flight. Think Steve Irwin hanging from the baggage carriers shouting, "Blimey! There's a beaut!" and hitting passengers in the head with a snake wrangler. Isn't flying bad enough as it is? Of course, I doubt things will be taken that far thanks to Homeland Security. I'm sure they'll ban all venomous snakes, spiders, and insects from carry on luggage. Shoot, water is banned, why not pit vipers?