Today I came home from work and found a rather large manila envelope sitting on the counter. It was an ominous looking envelope of the legal or governmental type, so I was sort of nervous when I saw it. Big mail is never good mail.
Gathering my courage, I picked it up and turned it over. It was addressed to S. Lastname. Curious, considering my sister and I are both S. Lastname. Granted, she got married but we still get all sorts of creepy mail for her under her maiden name (Sis, your copy of Satanist Are People Too is under my bed! I'll bring it up to you when I visit, K?). I assume it is most likely hers, since she's been attracting money-beggars from the ripe age of five (how those hearing aides doing, btw?).
But was more intriguing was that the mail came from some place called, "C@liforin@ns for Popul@tion St@bliz@tion". That's all and very nice...but I'm not a Californian. I've been there maybe three or four times, but that's about all I've ever cared to visit. My sis isn't one either. We don't even live near California. So, neither of us really care about population control in the Sunshine State. Well, maybe I care a little. We all know Cali has WAY too many weird people--liketomcruiseandarnold--maybe we should police their population...
Anyway, I contacted my sister to make sure she was still sane. I asked her if she knew her name and what state she lived in. When that was clear, I asked if she'd joined some sort of Californian cult against immigration population. Thankfully, she said no (for a second I was worried about my brother in law).
I had to shovel through the piles of garbled scientific jargon about the death of Smokey the Bear and his little forest friends, some boy named Teddy sitting in a portable behind the school sweltering in the heat because school is too small thanks to voters vetoing levies too many munchkins, that oxygen will soon become a thing of the past, and a number of other apocalyptic catastrophes looming on the American (Californian?) horizon to finally get to the point:
Ho ho! They almost had me fooled! For a moment, I thought the envio-nazi's found out I play with pesticides all day. Imagine my relief when I realized I didn't have to move.
C A P S, as this organization calls itself (is that like 'cap in you ass'?), does something in California...though I'm not sure what. One minute they're talking about ozone and population differentials, the next they're going on about the word moron and immigration reform. I didn't really get it. What I do get is that California weirdness has seeped into my state via the post office. I am not pleased.
Jeff, please tell your fellow states-people to keep their mail to themselves. Us Washingtonians have enough to worry about--like dairy cows, Bill Gates, how sucky the Seahawks are, Amazon.com, whether or not Alaska will take their boats away from us, and if Ichiro is going to have a perfect batting average this year. We can't be bothered with stuff like 'smog' (what's that?), road rage, Arnold, the SPF factor of suntan lotion, or earthquakes.
Okay?
;oP
Well, perhaps we should care more about California. We are unfortunately connected via the I-5 pipeline...what comes out of that pipeline I will let you decide for yourself.
Then again, this gives us the perfect opportunity to blame all our problems on them. Which is convenient if nothing else.
Posted by: Sarah at May 23, 2006 08:16 AMYes. I agree. We need a scapegoat. California should do nicely. Or Alaska...
Posted by: Zoso at May 24, 2006 07:26 AM