Ramblings of a Crowe

Zoso goes to training

So I went to training for my new job today full of apprehension. Working in a nursery around plants and stuff doesn't scare me, but doing retail type stuff is totally new to me. I've never operated a cash register or anything like that. Counting change is new to me. Understanding pricing and inventory is completely beyond any learning I've had in the past. Still, the group of people I'll be working with seem to be fun and easy going. I had a good time.

I'm still worried about the whole benefits thing as well as taking huge pay cut and working only part time. I'm still waiting for the second job to come around. It will be at night. My future is pretty uncertain.

To top that off, I got a message this evening after I returned home. My old boss has called. I wonder what he wants. I have a feeling it's to come back to work; he's not the type to call just to check on me. From what I've heard, things are just going to hell since I left. I'm not tooting my own horn, but after eight weeks of lay off, my co-workers still call me to complain and ask for advice. The scheduling and dispatching has gone to shit, no one knows when or how to order chemicals, no one pays attention to the vendors or truck maintenance, stuff is breaking, techs are losing money, routes are screwed. Sort of makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I don't know if I'll call him back. I loved my old job, but I hate that manager. Who's to say I won't get canned again right after I'm brought back? I know now my job there isn't safe. I'm the most expendable one, business wise. Do I want to work in that situation again? Do I want to work for a boss/company that just tosses me out the way they did, after seven years of hard work for them? Every part of me says, "NO".

Sure, the pay is good. I won't be scrounging for cash. I'll have benefits. But for how long? I'll end up being responsible for work the manager should be doing. I'll end up being responsible for the work his proxy no good field manager should be doing. I'll be responsible and not get paid for it. Do I want that? Do I want the headache that comes with the corporate bullshit? Do I want the drama? Do I want to deal with all the double talk and lies?

Not really. My responsible side says to go back, because that's what's best for my pocket book and medical benefits. However, I don't think it's good for my soul. The managers at my old job sucked the life out of me. J can contest to this. He's worked for them. As much as I adored my fellow co-workers and customers, the drivel the managers shoveled out on a daily basis really made me hate life.

When I was laid off, I was crushed. However, something else happened. I went out and got a hair cut. I hadn't had one in like three years (no shit--my hair was down to my ass). I bought new clothes. I started wearing my contacts and make-up. I started doing my hair. As depressed as I was about losing my job, I wasn't depressed about 'me' anymore. I felt free. Liberated. And that's not a joke or an exaggeration.

For seven years, that job had consumed me. It taught me to loathe life, to feel hopeless. I was caught in a wheel that wouldn't stop turning. Now I'm not. I don't have money to throw around, but as long as I can pay my bills, does that really matter? I plan on going to school. I know that's what I really want to do. It won't guarantee me my dream job, but it'll be a step in the right direction. I don't want to live my life, stuck someplace where I never know what'll happen.

So, do I want to go back?

No.

Should I?

I don't think so.

Posted by Zoso at March 27, 2006 07:42 PM