I can't sleep tonight. Everytime I lay down, I start thinking about not having a job and how much I hate my old managers from putting me in this situation. Then I start to worry whether or not I'll find a job before unemployment runs out. In short, I'm getting pretty depressed...and worried.
Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Why did this have to happen?" Then I get mad when I remember how hard I worked for TG--and this is how they repay me. Then I worry if that scum bag JD is saying nasty things about me to any people who call him. He's done that in the past, even though he's not supposed to. Even though he said that I did nothing wrong and it was just a business decision, I don't trust that guy any further than I can throw him--and that's not very far.
I hate not working. I really, really hate it. All I do is worry and with each passing day it gets worse. Maybe I should have taken that job in Idaho. Sure, I would've had to live in my car, but at least I'd be employed...
None of the old tactics of thwarting the "What Ifs" seem to work. I try to read, play games, write, study Japanese, but I find myself drifting on into the land of worry and uncertainty. I really see no way to solve my problem other than getting a job soon--and I can't wave a wand and make someone hire me. So I find myself stuck, without a plan and losing hope.
It sucks.
Life really sucks right now.
I am not happy.
Woe is me... *weak laugh*
I'll keep looking for a job. That's all I can do. I'll keep praying something comes my way soon. *shrug* I'll try to make the best of things right now. But that doesn't leave me feeling very good.
Posted by Zoso at February 27, 2006 12:54 AMT_T Aw man, I don't even know what to say other than I'll pray for you too. Until now, I didn't understand how hard it was to get a job. I'm such a kid, I just figured I'd fill out 5 or 6 apps and be done with it. I mean, SOMEBODY has to call me. I'll fill out another 6 if I have to. I figure, if you wanna work, you WILL find a job. It might not be the one you want, but the money's just as green, I say. DAMN, this stuff makes you stone cold mercenary, man! Throw in a couple "whatevers" and a "not my problems" and I could get my own game.
Posted by: J00kst3r at February 27, 2006 02:45 AMI know it sucks to lose your job and that looking for a new job is shitty too. It's certainly no fun.
But try to keep things in perspective when you start to worry.
You aren't going to end up homeless. You don't have to worry about a lot of bills or groceries, so you know you and your son will be ok.
No one. Absolutely NO ONE blames you for getting laid off. It happens to the best of people. And it's happened to a lot of people in our family. No one blames you or thinks less of you.
You suspect your former manager is saying nasty things about you, they treated you shitty, didn't appreciate you, and offered you no stability in return for your hard work. So why exactly are you lamenting not moving out of your stable living conditions to live in your car just for the opportunity to work for them again?
I know it's hard to see the positive side of things when you feel lousy, but when things are bad try to take a moment to think about how they aren't bad. And what you've learned or gained from this experience.
Something will come along. Hang in there.
Yeah, thanks Sarah. I know. It sucks though...but not much I can do about it right now.
Posted by: Zoso at February 27, 2006 01:04 PM