What a day...
I was doing pretty good until this evening. Now it's all quiet and my mind is racing. Sometimes I feel like I want to cry. This really sucks. But crying won't help me.
I feel the worst for the kiddo. He's pretty upset, but he keeps smiling at me. I think he knows I'm stressed out. I really feel like I've let him down, even though getting laid off wasn't my fault. He told me, "Don't be sorry mom. It's not your fault!" then gave me a hug. He knows us moving is an option, though he's praying we don't have to. It tears him up to leave mom, dad, granny, and all his friends. Hopefully it won't come to that.
I spent most of the day filling out applications and looking through jobs on line. The rest of the time I was worrying about my 'outs' that I have going. My only piece of relief was that I found out the kid is covered under his dad's medical insurence. That makes me feel better. However, even that ray of light is shadowed by the big unknown factors.
I keep asking myself, "What are you going to do?" and over and over in my head I hear a voice say, "You should have planned for this" or "You idiot! It's your fault you're in this mess". And then I feel guilty because my son's life has been turned upside down.
Of course, I also hear the lesser voices saying stuff like, "Well, you've pulled through things before" and "This is just a test. You can over come it like everything else". I know I'm a hard worker. I'm good at what I do. I take pride in getting my job done quickly and correctly. I'm confident that where ever I end up, I'll be okay. I'm not confident in getting there.
What will tomorrow bring? Will I keep getting sadder? Or will I feel a bit better? I don't know. I feel pretty shitty right now. I'm at a loss of what to do with this idle time, and I've never had problems amusing myself before. If I sleep, will I dream of how guilty I feel? Will I even be able to sleep? Or maybe this is all just a really bad dream...
...but I know it's not.
Maybe I should go buy some lottery tickets tomorrow. Ha ha ha.
My life seriously sucks right now...
Posted by Zoso at January 27, 2006 11:01 PMI'm sorry you're so worried.
But everything if going to be fine. No one is going to let anything bad happen to you guys.
You're in a very stable situation, with lots of support. I think you should take that opportunity to find a job you'll enjoy that meets the needs of both you and Hunter.
There is nothing more unpleasant than being in a job you hate, and can't leave, because of financial responsibility.
Take some time to gather you thoughts on the issue, and make the best of this.
Being laid of by TG was probably the best thing that ever happened to me even though I was depressed abotu it when it happened.
Posted by: Sarah at January 28, 2006 10:31 AMThanks sis. Yeah, I think it's just the shock of it happening so suddenly that gets me down. Of course I'm worried, but not much I can do about it. I'll feel better when I get Unemployment straightened out. I've been filling out applications all morning and posting resumes.
We'll see what happens.
Posted by: Zoso at January 28, 2006 11:23 AMDon't worry leader, I'm positive everything will work out in the long run. Here, something to cheer you up:
*WARNING! MAJOR SPOILERS FOR KH II*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdB3PCNOb6M
And in case you want to watch the entire series, here is the main site:
http://kh-vids.net/
Beware the sexual perversion in this series. Other than that, enjoy. :)
Posted by: gamma at January 28, 2006 04:45 PM> But everything if going to be fine. No one is
> going to let anything bad happen to you guys.
Damn straight. For whatever disfunctions our family may have, when push comes to shove we've always been there when we someone needed us.
Most likely, you'll find a better job and look back on this time as a sorta sucky 'bump' in the road. I've often found that adversity can bring significant rewards if you look at it as an opportunity. I know it can be scary, but it doesn't have to stay that way forever.
Posted by: Jeff at January 29, 2006 11:15 AMThank you! :) Everyone has been so helpful and kind to me. It really has helped knowing that there are people encouraging and helping me. It's made this a lot easier on me.
You guys are awesome. *big hugs*
Somehow, this will work out. It's going to suck, but eventually things will be okay. I'm lucky to have family and friends like all of you.
Posted by: Zoso at January 29, 2006 02:13 PMThat really does suck, but I really hope you find a better job soon. You really seem to deserve from what I've all read of your blog and you do have a lot of support which is definitely a plus. Your son sounds really supportive, which is really sweet and cute! THat's gotta make you feel a little better.
I hope better things come your way soon. You really didn't deserve to get booted out of your job and that kinda makes me angry but I guess there's nothing you can do. Have a better day soon!
Posted by: Vampire_Fire at January 29, 2006 05:45 PMMan, I know this really (seriously) ain't much but, I put a little present for you up on my DA site. I'm really be prayin' for you in the meantime. And hey, if *I* hit the lottery, you can rest assured I'd take care of you guys.
Posted by: J00kst3r at January 30, 2006 02:01 AMIt's awesome! Thank you!
Ha ha! I thought about buying lottery tickets. *laughs* I won a grand once, but that was just dumb luck...
Posted by: Zoso at January 30, 2006 11:33 AMDamn... I really haven't been on in a while.
To more important matters, Zoso, I am sorry that you lost your job. Your witty comments about the world are the highlight of my day and I hate to see you depressed. (well, hear anyway) Hunter sounds like a wonderful son and you are so very lucky to have his support right now. I would like you to know that I am rooting for you. I can't really do anything but offer you a place to crash for a couple of nights in my dorm in Michigan (I'll even let you have the bed ^_^) and emotional support. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know my email address. Good luck job hunting,
Mia