Yup. No joke folks.
Today I lost my job.
Seven years I've been with the company. I've cried, shed blood (literally), worked myself into the ground for them--only to be 'laid off until further notice'.
Nice.
I think I went through various stages of emotions in about 2.5 nano seconds. Shock, disbelief, frightened, then PISSED OFF. I settled on the final one as my primary emotion. Scared runs a close second. There was no reason for my termination--well, lay off actually. They didn't 'fire' me. Apparently the company can't afford to keep me--probably because my boss just hired 12 new employees. Though you would think my pay would have been budgeted into the yearly budget along with them. Obviously not.
So, driving home I could only think, "What the hell am I going to do?" I'm not one to panic, thankfully. At least not yet. I'm more pissed off than anything. I'll have to get my unemployment straightened out ASAP. My claim is still open, so I think all I have to do is call them on Monday and set it straight. Then I need to get my ass down to *insert horrible music here* DSHS and get some medical insurence for my kid and myself until I find a job. That fucking SUCKS. I hate dealing with the government, but I can't NOT have medical insurence. *sigh*
As soon as I got home, I sat down and got to work on my resume. I hate being in the 'unknown', so it's just natural when a disaster happens that I tackle it head on--often without thinking. Ha~ Not doing so just stresses me out worse. I'm a chronic worrier. I'll worry until I get sick. I hate that so it's best just to eliminate what ever is freaking me the fuck out. ha ha.
I'm still in a state of bewilderment. Despite my old job's downfalls, I loved what I did. I really liked the people I worked with and the stuff I got to do. I'm sad I won't be a part of that anymore. But maybe this is a sign...and a realization that I've become too comfortable with my life. And that I was prepared for something like this to happen. Yes indeedy. Always have a back up plan (which I didn't).
I didn't shed any tears though, at least not until I got home. And even then, it was only when my friends rallied around me. J, I love you, man. Your friendship and kindness is so important to me. I really don't have the words to thank you. I don't know what I would do without you. You undersand what the company is like, and we had a few good laughs this morning at their expense.
And SO, you too. You had the integrity to be upset for me, offended even. You gave me the ass chewing I needed--then offered me an opportunity to chew on. Though I'm not certain I'm ready for a step like that (it will take some serious deliberation on my part), the very idea that you instantly jumped to extend me a hand touches me. Thank you for believing in me and valuing me as a good employee and as a friend.
Now comes the tough part. Decisions. I'm really bad at making decisions. As some of you know, I have an opportunity to take a job starting immediatly. However, I have to move. "Big deal" to most people, but I'm a single parent that has to think about the kiddo's welfare. Living at home has made me soft and life is easy for my son and I. He's content, surrounded by people who love and care about him. I don't have to worry about school, day care, keeping appointments, etc. My son is very happy living here with my parents.
On the other hand, I dislike living at my parents house, but have stayed here because it is convienent for me and my son. I'm not afraid of being able to pay bills, but I worry more about something happening to me and my family is six hours away. Weird, huh? I do have cousins that live two hours from the place I could work at--and I know they'd help me if I needed it. Still, the prospect is frightening to me. All these, "What if's run around in my head". That and I don't own anything except my bed, computer, and TV. *laughs* I don't know if I have the money to move--I'm pretty sure I don't.
This job is with the same employer that let me go, just a different branch with different managment. I was offered to start immediatly, with a pay increase. *laughs* How's that for bizzare? Get fired from the company, then offered a job by them with pay raise? Anyway, I know the managment and I understand the job they want me to do. Hours (starting and ending) was offered to be negotiable, as the boss knows me and my son well, and understands my situation. It would be high pressure, as this employer knows what I am capable of and expects a lot from me. But I'm comfortable working for him.
And of course, another job opportunity has been made possible. It's not a sure thing yet, but the prospect is good (thank you J). It's here in town, for a few dollars less, but the benfits are availible and it's for a HUGE company. Managment potential is there too. I'd have to interview for it and go through all the mumbo jumbo, but that's expected. I wouldn't have to move, the kiddo wouldn't be forced to change schools and adapt to a new learning environment. Which is important considering he has trouble in school. Also, he wouldn't be left alone at home, something that is a BIG concern for me. Not only that, maybe it is time for a change...I've heard only great things about this other company and it sounds like it might be fun. Perhaps it's time to say goodbye to the business I've built my life around. Part of me says, "I think so."
So this is the hardest part of my journey. Making a choice. Of course, I have some time to do that. I need to see where the second opportunity is going to go first. I'll probably make a trip next week to check out the first one. Well see how the weather is. I have to go over a pass and I'm a little scared if the roads are bad...
And if losing my job wasn't bad enough, today the kid gets braces on his teeth. Thankfully insurence is paying for it, since technically I'm still employed. My boss let me take the day off with pay so I could get things straightened out. Nice of him.
Tonight I'm going to sit down and play videogames into the wee hours of the morning, eating popcorn and drinking ice tea. I think the saddest part of this was I had to cancel all my pre-orders. *laughs* Hopefully I'll get a big tax return again this year. If only my W-2 would come soon!
*sigh*
I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. For a while (after the dot-com crash) I was a bit worried about my own job security. I'm not sure if it would have been better to have it come from nowhere or dwell on it for a few months.
Either way, good luck. It sounds like you have some prospects, and whoever ends up getting you will consider themselves pretty lucky (or should!). :>
Posted by: Jeff at January 27, 2006 01:22 PMThanks Jeff. It really helps to hear encouragment right now. I'm still a bit astounded, and a sad too (and really mad), but freaking out about it won't do me any good.
The only thing eating me is the prospect of moving. Not that I've made that decision, but it is there, lingering in the wings. I'm terrified of this choice...
*sigh*
Posted by: Zoso at January 27, 2006 01:31 PMI'm sorry you lost your job.
Sometimes things that seem bad at first end up being for the better.
Ironically, I too was once upon a time let go from that place. It was for the best. I didn't take their offer over here. And I don't regret that either.
Sometimes a clean break is a good start to something better.
Sarah
Posted by: Sarah at January 27, 2006 02:10 PMYeah, freaking out about it won't do me any good. And what's done is done. You just pick up the pieces and try to make the best of it.
I'm still sad and a bit worried, but...what do you do? *shrug*
Posted by: Zoso at January 27, 2006 08:03 PMWhaaaaaaaat. I have been hearing about so many people being fired and laid off lately...and for really ridiculous reasons. Blarg.
It sounds to me like they're just trying to push you to this new office...thinking you have no choice but to go there. But what do I know?
Anyway, even if you don't get either job (which sounds rather unlikely), it's obvious that there are people around you to help you out. Although I get the impression you dislike "hand outs," the fact that those people are there is a major booster...emotionally, if nothing else.
Good luck! I'm sure things will turn out well (and I've been known to be pessimistic, so :P).
Posted by: Sharon at January 27, 2006 11:14 PMWe've already talked about the situation, but I'm sorry too.
I was fired (as in NOT laid of indefinitely) because I was being a dumbass, but honestly I'd had so much of their shit I really didn't care much at that point. Being fired from that place was THE BEST thing that ever happened to me. I got settled with the company I work for now, where we don't have a big fat used car salesman as a boss. I quit once because of that loser!
It makes me giggle to think of the way he used to attempt to avoid taking calls from customers... he's going to be in a world of hurt now.
Things will look up, I'd be really sad to see you move, but I understand if you have to. It just means I will have to get a more reliable car so I can come visit you and the lil' guy.
Posted by: J at January 28, 2006 02:06 AMWell, I'm hoping it won't come to that. I've been putting applications in all over the place. LOL In two days I've put in 9 applications. Hopefully something will turn up soon.
I'll feel better once I get unemployment straightened out.
Posted by: Zoso at January 28, 2006 03:50 PMMy Dad's lost his job 6 times in the last 3 years. But if it's one thing I've learned, it's that there's ALWAYS something out there for those who really want to work. That's why *I'm* lookin' so hard now. You'll be okay, I know it.
Posted by: J00kst3r at January 30, 2006 02:02 AMWhat's done is done, but does that make it hurt any less? Loss of job and MOVING can create a lot of conflicting emotions. If I may recommend a book called The Grief Recovery Handboo--revised edition by John James and Russell Friedman. It offers an action plan of completing the process of conflicting emotions. Or you may be able to find an outreach program in your area. This program will give you the ability withing yourself how to RE-discover the life you can have. It address moving and the best way to handle that with your child...in efforts to not become a negative emotion within him or you. Best Wishes
Posted by: crv at February 8, 2006 05:08 AMThank you~
I'm trying to find a job in my current city. It's one of the largest growing in the US, so there's bound to be something out there for me. Moving is my last resort right now. But if it comes down to that, I'll make the jump.
Posted by: Zoso at February 8, 2006 11:30 AM