I always feel guilty after I spend money. After buying stuff, I get it home and think, "Why the hell did I get this?" Then I go into panic mode, thinking I haven't enough money in the bank (which I probably don't) and that I'm a low-life for splurging on stupid things. Of course, I'm plagued by the "What-if's" too. You know, "What if such and such happens" and I can't afford to pay for it. Thoughts of car trouble, computer problems, sudden medical bills, getting fired, etc., all contribute to my worries.
It's a vicious cycle.
The car trouble thing isn't too far off though. The car has been acting a bit funny. The other day I went to go to work and it wouldn't start. It was like the starter wouldn't catch or something...It hasn't done it again (that was a week ago). The clutch is weird too...at least I think it is. Then again, I have a tendency to jump to conclusions when it comes to car issues. Needless to say, I'm going to have to take the stupid thing in soon. I'm just not comfortable driving when I think I might get stranded. *laughs*
I always pay my bills on time. So I'm not a slacker there. Well, I do wait until the last minute to pay any medical bills. I suppose you could say it's my way of protesting the outrageous costs they dump on us sick people. It pisses me off. Criminy, when I had to go to the ER last year, I spent three hours there and all the did was make me pee in a cup and hook me up to a morphine drip. The bill I got was over 1200 dollars!!!!!! Granted, my insurence paid for some of it. I only had to fork out 700 bucks (which I'm still paying off, BTW).
At anyrate, I'm trying not to buy stupid things these days. "Stupid" meaning stuff I really don't want, but buy any way. I still spend a lot of money on books. Occasionally I'll buy dvd's, but I've really quit spending so much money on them. I think the last DVDs I bought were Constantine and Gungrave. Books kill me though. I love to read. I love comics. I love all sorts of books. I can spend 80 bucks on books without batting an eye...(Which I did this weekend). Reading is pretty much my main hobby. I don't go out much (maybe once a month), I don't buy a lot of video games either...just ones that I've researched in depth or have been waiting for.
*sigh* I hate buyer guilt. I work hard for my money and I should be able to spend it without feeling bad about it. Especially when I pay my bills and take care of the other necessities. Alas, the 'what ifs' always come to play after I go shopping...
Posted by Zoso at August 14, 2005 07:45 AMNHS may be free, but we get all the MRSA superbugs and whatnot. =/ You'd think hospitals could be cleaned properly! I hope they use the money they stea- I mean charge you to buy anti-bacterial cleaning products! (NB: Don't go to England if you think you might, I dunno, collapse or something...)
Yeah, I always feel guilty for buying stuff! Lately, I've wanted some clothes and a heck of a lot of CDs (I need to befriend a true metalhead who doesn't mind giving me CDs to record) but with uni possibly looming, I'm thinking ARRGH! And then if I get in, I don't know how I'm gonig to take care of myself! I can already see myself on two small meals a day and looking forward to washing clothes because it would be such a RARE FEAT. yaybohemianstudentlife.
It feels like ages since I commented here properly, apart from the note earlier. Damn. I was almost getting back to being sane. >=D
Posted by: DR at August 14, 2005 12:52 PM