Normally I don't talk to much about personal things on this blog, but I feel the latest events of the past week warrant some talking about.
Sometimes I think people get so caught up in their own grief and hardships that we never really step back and think about how bad it "could be." We spend so much time being selfish and egocentric, that we never really stop to take a look around us to actually SEE other people and the lives they lead. Why should their lives matter when they don't affect us, right? I know I've asked myself that very question on many occasions.
Maybe the lives of others means nothing to us, but I think by stepping back and taking a second to observe our peers and their struggles, we might see ourselves in a different light. People don't broaden their minds by staying "inside the box"; we learn nothing if we are so self absorbed with ourselves that we cannot empathize or sympathize with other humans.
My life has been full of drama; so much that I go out of my way to avoid any sort of dramatic event or circumstances, even if it means turning away family members or friends. That is a part of myself I'm not proud of.
However, drama has a funny way of sneaking up on a person and making itself unavoidable. There are just certain things you can't look away from; if you do, you're not human anymore.
This week I had a converstation with my son's father. We are very good friends, despite the fact we split up when our son was a little over a year old. He's currently remarried with two step children; his wife and I get along well enough to chit chat on the phone and take short trips together with our kids. Their family makes due, but as most middle class families, finances are tight these days.
During our phone converstation he brought up his brother, and I knew news wouldn't be good. If there is anything we disagree on, it's his brother, who is a boil on the ass of society, and my son's father just refuses to cut ties with the man. It sounds harsh, being that he is family, but he has been to prison, stolen from his family members, mooched food, money, and housing from them because he's too lazy and too high on drugs to do anything else with himself. My son's father is far to kind for his own good, one of his biggest downfalls, and has repeatedly given his brother a "second chance" about 100 times.
Last year, there was a baby born. Yes. If the moron couldn't mess up his life any more, he had to go and knock up a woman who is, in my opinion, WORSE than he is. This woman has two other children, does drugs (did them while she was pregant too), never works, uses her welfare and foodstamps (she sells them) to by cigarettes and crack. Thankfully, the father of the first two children recently got custody and they no longer live with these parasites, but that still leaves the baby, who is seven months old.
I've known for a long time that my son's father and his wife have been taking the baby on the weekends that they have free, just to make sure she's okay and at least gets a decent meal with good people once in a while. Neither of them want no more children; they both work and money is pretty tight. The baby's grandparents have been taking care of her most of the time, but they are both elderly and smoke heavily. The grandmother has been rushed to the hospital at least three times in the past couple months, so the baby is often bounced around between homes.
As their health has gotten worse, the baby has had to spend more time with her "parents", something that has put everyone on edge. Apparently, for good reason. This past weekend, my son's dad and his wife went to check on his brother. They discovered the three of them living in an 8ft camp trailer with no electricity and no water. There was no food in the place, other than some 2% milk which they used to feed the baby when they remembered. Nor were there any daipers, and the little girl had been in the same daiper for three days. They were living in filth; the baby was starving--so hungry that she couldn't/wouldn't even cry. The mother was sitting inside, admitted that she had no daipers, but acted like it was no big deal.
They took the baby from those horrible people. My son's father said he told his brother that they wouldn't be getting her back unless they got themselves together, to which his brother replied, "Oh? You'd really take her for us? That's great! Come look at this new chainsaw I bought!" Several days later, the courts have drawn up papers and are waiting for the signatures; my son's uncle gets thrown in jail for three weeks and blames it on his daughter. Yesterday, the baby's mother came by their house to pick up their dog (which she left locked downtown in their truck with windows rolled up for five hours), and she didn't even ask to see her daughter. Not a question, not a word--just higher than a kite on drugs and worried about the dog she nearly killed.
Thankfully, my son's father now has legal gaurdian-ship. His wife has contacted the state about the welfare fraud, and the child protection agency. We all know that those two troglodites won't ever "get on their feet", but at least the little girl has a chance at a normal life with people who care about her. Though my family isn't directly affected by this, other than having to explain to my son why bad things happen to kids sometimes, we have all been busy gathering up old toys, clothes, food, diapers, and other baby things to send to them. The people at my work, my cousins, my mother have been wonderful rallying around this poor child. Thank you to everyone for pulling together.
I've been incredibly bothered by this whole ordeal. As a mother, I'm sickened. When I think about that little girl, who has the cutest smile and is so sweet tempered, I get teary eyed thinking about what she's been through. How can anyone treat their baby that way? I don't understand it. She didn't ask to be born. She has no control over her life. A child relies on its parents for everything--comfort, security, food, water, love. Parents are the world to their children--whether we like it or not. When a person has a child, they no longer belong to themself, they belong to that baby.
People like my son's uncle and his disgusting girlfriend have no business breeding. This "woman" has popped out three kids and hasn't taken care of any of them. Shouldn't there be a law against that? I mean, where does the right to be a parent end and the rights of a child begin? If you've had three kids, all of them get taken away from you, shouldn't that count as "three strikes your out"? Frankly, I think one strike is enough in this case because A.) You're messing up someone elses life (the baby you give birth to and B.) The tax payers end up footing the bill for all your kids. I'm all for "fixing" people like these.
*shakes head*
In the end, everyone's lives have been disrupted in some way or another by this event, but I think we're all just relieved that the baby is now in good hands. The road is long for my son's father and his wife, since they aren't certain what sort of problems will show up in the baby later in life (since she was born addicted to crack). Right now, she's a very happy child; laughing and smiling all the time. Perhaps she will luck out and be able to side-step the plethora of problems associated with children born addicted to drugs. Lord only knows the little girl deserves a bit of luck in her life.
Posted by Zoso at April 29, 2005 11:12 PM