I'm bored.
That's kind of funny, when I think about it, there's all kinds of stuff I can be doing. I have projects to be worked on, but I don't have the motivation to work on them...Sad, isn't it?
I watched a couple Japanese movies with J today...*laughs* We always choose the winners, don't we? Really though, I do love Japanese movies. I wish I could find more DVD's here in town, but living in the sticks it's hard to find anything not "mainstream". *sigh* Thankgoodness for the internet I suppose...Anyway, the shows were watched were "Taboo", a Shinsengumi drama with a twist *laughs* and Suicide Club...Both were very, uh, interesting, to say the least.
After that, I watched the newest dvd of Texhnolyze...When I thought things couldn't get any more confusing...*sigh* Oh well, I love the show for its complexity and I'll admit, stuff got a whole hell of a lot more interesting. Besides, it's about damn time the main character actually DID something...*laughs*
Anyway, what was I talking about?
Oh, my boredom and projects...Yeah...
I've got all sorts of art projects laying about...I haven't touched them in months. Drawings go unfinished, sculpture lay around in my closet and in my car...A couple of half finished comic's I started are shoved in a drawer. What's the matter with me? I'm happiest when I'm making something, but I can't seem to pick myself up and get motivated. Everytime I start to draw something, I start to think "Why bother?" Then the entire "You suck anyway" gloom sinks in...*sigh* Then I shove what ever I was working on in my closet or under the bed. It's the same with any stories I happen to be writing too. I write them, but then crumple them up and throw them away...I know I'm a creative person, but I think I've somehow misplaced my "creativity" somewhere...I wish I could find it...
A faint spark of hope lightened my mood yesterday when I was talking with J. We started to discuss our old joint comic, "The Manatee". I don't know why I ever stopped working on it...it wasn't complicated to draw...it wasn't time consuming...and moreover, it was fun. We shared it with family members and friends, who hounded us for the weekly updates. My boss still has copies he printed off hanging on his office wall. *laughs*
When we came up with the idea, we did it for our own entertainment, which made it pretty stressfree. Our crazy ideas put onto paper for us to laugh at...our delusional, aburidities that only we understood right in front of us. It was great. Amazing, it seemed other people enjoyed our twisted humor too, though some of the stuff we had planned would surely shock them...*laughs* It never got that far, only ten panels in I quit working on it and it sort of faded away...It was sad. We got emails from people asking us what happened, and I feel sort of bad about not continuing...
Anyway, J and I were talking yesterday, and the Manatee came up. All of a sudden all these ideas came pouring out and it was decided. Billy and Tracy would make a come back, along with their heafty side kick, the ever friendly sea-cow. Today I recieved the old copies J had thankfully saved on his computer, and I'm hoping to start over by redrawing the first few panels and improving on them somewhat. He's also said he would host them on his website when finished. Though he gives me a lot of the credit, it's not true. Without J, there would be no "Manatee". He contributes greatly to the majority of the ideas and together we build a twisted world based on our sense of humor...*I can see people who know us shuddering in fear*
Perhaps, with the revival of "The Manatee", I'll regain some confidence and creativity I've since lost these past months. I really wish I could afford to go back to art school...but that's not going to happen anytime soon. I loved those classes. There are tons of art forums and such on the internet, but I avoid them at all costs. Many of the people there are rude and hardly helpful. The word "critque" apparently means to them "make other people feel bad about themselves". It wasn't like that in a classroom. People told you if they liked your work or if they disliked it. The pointed out mistakes and what could be improved. I liked having my stuff critiqued. It helped me out. Even when my projects were horrible, I didn't mind being told so. However, I suppose since the internet makes us faceless, it's okay to be ruthless...Though I'd never behave that way.
I haven't been to an artweb site in over a year...the last time I posted anything on the internet was here, a few months ago...and even then I was reluctant (but since this is my site, I figured I'll do what I want). Really, I shouldn't listen to what obnoxish and classless people like them say, but it's rough considering I'm hard enough on myself. I HATE everything I do...even the picture my class chose to be entered in the art show....one of five pieces from my class of 20...and you know what, I had it pulled. I didn't think it was good enough...I still don't, even though it hangs on my wall. Yet, I'm left wondering, "How would it have done if I'd allowed it to be entered?"
Stupid me for not even trying...
Well, even though I'd hardly call "The Manatee" a great peice of work, it might be enough to break my slump. I loved creating that little bit of absurdity. I loved not worrying about crappy artwork. I loved drawing Tracy and his persistantly scowling face (he's my favorite). I loved laughing so hard tears came to my eyes as J and I discussed the plans for the devious trio. Those were good times.
So, stay tuned. Hopefully, in the next few weeks, "The Manatee" will make it's come back.
Posted by Zoso at October 24, 2004 08:31 PM