I was thinking about this today while I was at work. Think real hard about the question before answering. I'm talking about kids under the age of 10.
At first, I concluded that yeah, of course there are, but the more I thought about it, the more I started to ponder, "Aren't children a product of their parents?"
Certainly, kids reach an age where they can make their own concious decisions and learn what is acceptable behavior in our society, but until then, who is responsible for the way they act? The children themselves? Or the parents that raise them?
People are born into this world like a clean slate. Oh, there's already bits and pieces of personality and temperment set into place at birth, making each child an indvidual, but those things are shaped around the environment the child is exposed to. They're more like stepping stones for the makings of a human being, not set in stone, subject to change as the child is exposed to more and more stimuli.
Now, I fully believe that there are SOME people born into the world who are just messed up from the beginning. Something just doesn't click in their heads and it's all over before it starts...people like certain serial killers and the like. I do believe that they are rare, though.
But those people aside, I'm talking more about the children you see running around the mall, acting like hooligans...or even those "bratty" kids that appear on talk shows. You know, the ones who swear at their mothers and beat up their siblings all the time...What went wrong there? Are the kids to blame? Or is it the parents?
Honestly, I blame the parents. Young kids need guidance. They look to adults to set the example and show them how to behave. If a child misbehaves, how is he/she suppose to know what they've done is right or wrong? How are they suppose to know what the limits are if they've never had any set for them? Or if they've never had any enforced?
All kids...and I mean ALL KIDS...test the adults around them. It's their way of figuring out what is and isn't acceptable. Us older people call it "testing us" or "being annoying" or "being mischeivious"...but it's a natural part of growing up, and an important event for the parent to notice. If a child tests his mom, dad, aunt, uncle, etc...it's the adults responsibility to reprimand and set the limits right then and there.
If we don't do that as adults, we've failed our children...and how can we fault them when they act badly?
My son is a good boy. He rarely causes me any trouble. He has incredible manners, which shock even me sometimes, and he's so damn compassionate he's easily taken advantage of (he didn't learn that from me...believe me...). Does he misbehave? Yup. He tests me and everyone around him, just like any other nine year old boy. Does that make him a bad kid? No. Does he get in trouble when he acts up? Sure does. He knows there's rules, and he knows just how much is acceptable when he's dealing with me. I have a very low tolerance for misbehavior. Do I spank him? No. I don't have to. He knows I'm good on my word and if I tell him he's pushing my buttons, he'll be punished.
Now ask my mom and sister how he acts when he's with them...He's more apt to push them further than he is me. Why? Lack of follow through. Who's at fault? My mom and my sister. My mom punishes him, but she's more apt to just "talk" to him about his behavior. He really has to get to her before she finally grounds him. He knows this and takes things a bit further with her. My sister doesn't feel she has the place to punish him, and usually comes to me when he's done something. Unfortunatly, me interviening won't make my son respect my sister one bit. If I'm not around, and he acts up, I expect the adults who are watching out for him to correct him. That's their job, like it or not. He might not be their kid, but if I don't happen to be there, I'm trusting them with my son and I'm trusting their judgement when it comes to doling out punishment for misbehavior. And I'm VERY picky about the people I leave my son with, I won't leave him with people I think won't take care of him.
Now, my son is getting old enough to know what's okay and what's not, regardless of who's with him. He's able to make decisions and choices on his own, and he's aware there will be consiquences for bad behavior. Still, it's my job as a mom to steer him back onto the path when he falls off...which is bound to happen.
I think parents fail their children. I don't think children fail their parents. Not at this young of an age...and maybe, on some aspects...ever. As a parent, if my child ends up in trouble, the first thing I think is "Where did I go wrong?"...not "Why is he like that?". Nor do I point the finger else where...which has become a popular past time for many parents in this country.
Movies, music, television are all to blame for bad kids...That's a lie...a cop out for people who are BAD PARENTS...sorry to break it to all the pathetic finger pointers out there, but it's the truth. Music, movies, media of any kind IS infulencial...but you know what? If parents haven't invested enough time in becoming THEE MOST influencial part of their childs life, there's something wrong...If a parent hasn't taken the time to sit down and talk to their kids about right and wrong, good and bad, real or unreal...there's something WRONG...I'm sorry, but to me if a kid is so moved by music or television that he feels compelled to gun down his fellow classmates, shoot himself, or dies from a drug overdose, something has fail miserably at home...MISERABLY...it has nothing to do with music/media...it has to do with the fact that adults in that childs life have failed him (or her). Let's give credit where it's due, folks...stop worrying so much about your own damn selves and start paying attention to your kids.
Sorry, but this "Lets blame media" trend just makes me sick. As a parent myself, I let my son watch lots of shows that are above his "age bracket". I took him to see Last Samurai, he watches ton's of anime, I rarely sensor his television (I don't allow for him to watch risque shows...I think he's a bit too young for that yet). He's not violent. He's not desensitized. He's not delusioned. He behaves a hell of a lot better than the kids down the street who go to church every sunday and watch barney all day (seriously, I won't even let him play with those kids anymore they're so bad...and you know what, I have to look no further than their stupid parents to see why...*frowns*)
I'm not the perfect parent. I makes lots of mistakes, so I won't even pretend to be high and mighty here. But at least I have the common sense to understand my child...and I hope as we both grow together, my son will forgive me for all my missteps as a parent.
Crap, it's late...I gotta get up early tomorrow AGAIN...TGIF, that's for sure!
Take care!
Posted by Zoso at May 16, 2004 12:37 AM