The problem, as I see it, is with the very concept of 'fan' in the first place.

The word fan - derived from 'fanatic' - implies an inability to judge something on its merits and a slavish devotion to something or someone. It's more an attempt to self identify, or to fit into a group, than it is anything of practical use.

Thank you for posting this! I wanna LOL so hard, but I'm holdin' back since it's 2 a.m, and my teeth are chattering from the effort. XD